Down By The River
by stephthewriter2
Summary: Kuzco has always been the bad boy in the empire. Being the spoiled emperor he is, after defeating the evil Yzma, Kuzco still hasn't learned his lesson. Pacha found a motivational speaker who might put some sense in Kuzco; even if it means breaking a few tables and being reminded of living in a van down by the river.


"Emperor Kuzco!" he yelled. "We need your help!"

Sitting on the throne contemplating himself through the reflection of a nearby, the young Emperor Kuzco sighed and looked down to the captain of his army.

"There's been a problem in town," said the captain.

"Ah, figure it out my man."

"Well, that's the problem. We don't know how to."

"Do I look like I'll always have the answer? Don't you know who you're talking to Emperor Kuzco!"

"Yes sir."

"So do it yourself! I'm busy!"

"Okay, sorry sir." The captain walked away. Kuzco looked back at his reflection and did a clicking sound to himself.

It was a long day that Kuzco wanted to sit. He did have a good time yesterday at Kuzcotopia and wanted to rest for now. But many people kept coming to him. For sure someone did come back in the room.

"Emperor Kuzco!" it was a small townsman. "We need your help badly sir!"

"Uh, no," said Kuzco rudely.

"But sir -"

"I said no!"

That man left the room and again someone came inside. This time an elderly woman. Kuzco shooed her away as well. Then another person, then another and another. Kuzco told all of them to go away.

With a sigh, Kuzco stood up and walked away from the throne. He went into the kitchen to wait for his breakfast and hoped that Kronk would give him something. For sure, Kronk did show up.

"Hello, your highness," said the big man.

"Why don't you give me some eggs buddy," said Kuzco while snapping his fingers. Kronk went to the stove and took out a carton of eggs.

In town, there was definitely an accident. Many people were surrounding a circle around a llama that was stuck under a carriage. Some of them did try to calm the llama but only spat back.

"What are we to do?" an old lady panicked. "What do we do?"

"There's nothing!" said skinny man who also shaking. "The emperor won't do anything."

"And the llama won't calm down!" said another man.

"I know someone who can do this," said a teen boy who was also nervous. "I'll go get him."

The teen boy, who was think as a stick, ran to a market and found the man he was looking for. He gave the clerk money after paying for hay.

"Thank you sir," said the man in the green shirt.

"Pacha!" yelled the teen boy! "Hey Pacha!"

The man, Pacha, looked up and noticed the kid yelling at him. He walked to him.

"Hello," said he politely.

"Can you help us with something? The emperor won't do it."

"Kuzco? Is he still misbehaving?" The teen gulped. "What happened?"

"There's a rogue llama in town under a carriage." He pointed to the scene and Pacha looked.

Pacha was the answer to the solution. He managed to calm the llama by giving him some of the hay he bought and got the carriage off him. There was an applause.

"Thank you sir! Thank you Pacha!"

Pacha smiled modestly.

"You should be the emperor!" It was the old lady from previously who said that.

"No, no," Pacha smiled. "I can't handle that."

"But he's been very rude! I was up there and he would barely talk to me! Sonny, you have to talk to him!"

"He's still doing wrong?" said Pacha incredulously. Everybody around them nodded. "Alright. I'll go talk to him."

"After that adventure you had with him, I know he'll listen to you."

"Alright ma'am." Again, the people gave an applause when Pacha walked up the stairs heading to the palace.

Kuzco was still in the throne room but he looked at the village where his only friend lived. But this time he was thinking of moving his theme park to a different place than next to the town.

"Ah, why not?" He moved the model of his park on the houses where his friend lived. "Booyah!"

From his right side Kuzco saw the captain again.

"Excuse me your highness," said he. "But someone is here to see you."

"Ah, not another townsfolk," Kuzco sighed.

"No, it's Pacha this time."

Kuzco brightened when he saw his friend enter the room that he ran to him.

"What's this about you not helping the people?" Pacha said to Kuzco sternly.

"Oh, you have to bring that up," Kuzco exhaled. "It's none of my business. I've have other things to worry about."

"Kuzco, you're the emperor! It is your business. Your job! You said you were going to do more work but now you broke your promise?"

Kuzco laughed devilishly that made Pacha say angrily, "How could you! It's not always about you Kuzco!"

"Uh, yeah, it is!"

The captain came to them before Pacha could say another word.

"You might have to leave sir," said the captain.

"I can't believe Kuzco is back to his old behavior," Pacha sighed.

"I wasn't expecting it either but there's nothing we can do."

"Actually…" Pacha started to remember someone he met in town. "…there is. He would help."

"Who sir?"

"Someone who came in town for vacation. I'll go get him."

It took two days for Pacha to get the person he mentioned. Kuzco was still berating people who came to him that he'd rather look at himself in the mirror and have things served to him. Things could've been easier if he still had Yzma as his advisor but she had to leave after her betraying him. But no, now it's all up to Kuzco. If only his parents didn't die he wouldn't have to take the job and he would be living the high life of the rich.

Being the rich and snobbish kid, Kuzco loved it. He might've had a change of heart earlier but it wasn't that long until his old self came back. Kuzco didn't like being the nice guy that it was too boring. Now things were starting to make sense. But that was going to change very soon.

Back in the throne room on the second day, Kuzco was sitting on the throne when Pacha came in the room. Again, Kuzco was happy to see him that he swung down from the throne to Pacha. He thought Pacha was going to give him some good news to cheer him up but instead,

"No. That's not what this is about Kuzco."

"Then what is it?"

"I want you to sit."

"Excuse me?"

"I brought someone who can keep you in shape."

"To help me with the empire?"

"Yes."

Kuzco was looking at Pacha skeptically but did listen to him. He went to sit on the couch that was next to the town model.

"Who is this guy Pacha?" Kuzco asked.

"Okay, to warn you," it seemed that Pacha was uncomfortable talking about the person. "He's a motivational speaker and has been drinking coffee for four hours but he should be ready. And his name's Matt Foley."

Kuzco looked at Pacha quizzically.

"I'll go get him."

Pacha walked to the entrance.

"Matt, come on up!"

It didn't take that long for a short fat man to arrive. He was dressed in a plaid dress sweater with a white shirt and green tie such as tan dress pants. Along with it was big glasses and his hair was very greasy. He was pulling up his pants once he faced Kuzco.

"Alright how's everybody!" he yelled in a loud voice but got into action. "I don't know if Pacha's told you but I'll give you a little scenario about my life. First off, I am thirty-five years old, I am divorced, and I live in a van down by the river!"

Kuzco didn't know what to think about Matt Foley but thought he was crazy.

"Now as I've been told you've been a naughty boy to the town! I'm here to tell you that you're not going to get anywhere by not having any **jack squat** for the empire! So, right now you're thinking, 'Hey I'm gonna get the world by the tail and wrap it around, pull it down, and put it in my pocket'! But without the empire you'd be living in a van down by the river!"

Matt pulled up his pants again.

"Now young man what will you do with your life?!"

Kuzco had to think for a while and say, "Well, I want to be famous."

"Well la de freakin' da!" Matt yelled. "We got another Kardashian here! Hey Pacha!" He walked to him who was standing not that far. "I can't see well, is that Kanye over there?"

"Well Matt," said Pacha. "Kuzco has admitted that so I've tried encouraging him into something peaceful, say like working with llamas."

Matt looked at Pacha calmly at first with, "Pacha, I wish you could just shut your big YAPPER!" Matt screamed the last word that scared Pacha.

"Now, Kuzco!" He again pulled up his pants and walked to Kuzco. Kuzco was trying not to look at Matt. "From what I've heard, you've been using your fame not for the empire but for rolling doobies! You're going to be doing a lot of doobie rolling when you're living in a VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER! What do you want to do now?!"

"I wanna live in a van down by the river," Kuzco replied sarcastically.

Matt nodded with, "Well you'll have plenty of time living in a van down by the river when…YOU'RE LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!" Everybody in the room, including Kuzco was feeling bad but the captain was trying to hold his laughter.

"Now Kuzco, you're trying to think to yourself, 'Hey Matt! How can we get back on the right track'?" Matt failed his arms around as if he were running. "But now I'm seeing one solution. And that is for me to get my gear and move on here! Cause you and me. We're going to be buddies! We're going to be pals! We're gonna…" Matt picked up Kuzco and mumbled, "…wrestle around." He put Kuzco back on the couch.

"Old Matt's gonna be your shadow! Here's you, here's Matt! There's you, there's-" Matt jumped and fell onto the table model of the town, breaking it. Everybody gasped. Matt was lucky he didn't get hurt that he was able to get up and again pulling up his pants.

"Oopsy daisy!" Matt yelled. "Oopsy daisy! My God! We're gonna have to clean that up later. Me and my buddy!" He yelled at Kuzco. "My pal, my amigo. Now I'm going to get my gear."

Matt headed to the entrance of the room that Pacha and Kuzco rushed to him that Kuzco told him honestly, "No, I won't disobey anymore!"

Pacha said to Matt, "Thanks for all you've done."

"I don't give a rat's behind for anything 'cause I'm moving in," said Matt when he came back to them. "I'm sick and tired of living in a VAN DOWN THE RIVER!"

It was too late for them to do anything. Kuzco was actually afraid of Matt that he said, "Is he going to stay Pacha?"

"I'm afraid so." Kuzco cried while Pacha hugged him. They didn't know the captain was gasping for air after his fits of laughter. Nobody heard him.


End file.
